Hey, goomba! Are you on the Goomba Diet? Do you need to be? Do they put up crime scene tape after you visit the buffet table? Is the air freshener in your car a slice of provolone?Stop crying! The Goomba Diet is herethe dolce vita diet that shows you how to eat more, drink more, laugh more, live more, and feel great while youre doing it. The Goomba Diet offers sensible weight-loss tips for the guy whos gone too far: Touch your toes. If this is difficult, pay a guy to do it for you. Walk to court.It also offers helpful maintenance tips for the goomba whos the perfect weight and wants to stay that way: Try an appetite suppressant. Try eating at Applebees. Pick up something heavy. Get a copy of The Da Vinci Code. Cut out those carbs. Only eat pastas that end in the letter i. The Goomba Diet is the personal lifestyle guide from Steven R. SchirripaBobby Bacala Baccalieri from HBOs hit series The Sopranos and author of the bestseller A Goombas Guide to Life. Developed over decades of dreaming about and then living the high life, its a how-to guide for happy livinghow to duke a matre d', how to order a good meal, how to be a good father, a good husband and a good friend, and how to behave at a wedding, a funeral, and on the job. You wanna have a good time? Follow these rules: Do tip the maid. Dont tip the made guy. Do tip the D.J. Dont tip the D.A. Do tell the bride shes beautiful. Dont tell her shes hardly showing. Do give your kids an allowance. Dont offer to make it interesting by shooting craps for double or nothing.The Goomba Diet is for everyone with an appetite for life, and for everyone who understands that the key to happiness isnt found in a smaller waistline but in a bigger heart. Like Steve says, Theres a lot of skinny actors wearing black turtlenecks and tending bar right now whod kill for a part on The Sopranos. This fat goomba is doing all right for himself.So relax! Stop worrying about how much youre eating, and start worrying about how much youre enjoying it. Lose weight if you likebut live! Put a fork in your right hand, a hunk of bread in your left, and mangia like you mean it. HBO and The Sopranos are service marks of Time Warner Entertainment Company, L.P.From the Hardcover edition.