Mark is concerned that his dad has too much to do since his mum left - looking after him and his sister Tammy, the house and his vet's practice. He advertises for a girlfriend for his dad and soon the surgery is full of eager women, including the beautiful, but evil, Divine and her ugly henchman, Jaundice. This pair of crooks are smuggling animals and need a vet to look after them. Mark's dad is a sucker for Divine, but just to make sure of his help, she kidnaps the children. Luckily Mark has made friends with one of the smuggled chimps, Arnold Teabag, who is a bit of an escape artist, and the chimp brings help. The story is told alternatively by Mark and the family's wise-cracking pet mynah bird!